toughy II

How many times do you masturbate a day?

A) Fifteen: Oh Christ that is way too much, you must be ever so sore. It also makes you sound like a weirdo.

B) Once: That is so pathetic; you know I can spank myself four times in one day easy, your balls must be huge and full.

C) Wanking is directly linked to cancer: Grade A answer. This will not only halt conversation due to its serious nature it will also make the questioner extremely worried. Perfect.

tough question

What would you say if you got asked this question:

Do you sometimes do a fart into your hand and smell it?

A) Yes: There is no way you are ever sleeping with me, that is pure filth.

B) No: why not? It’s just rectal gas and it causes no harm to anyone. Plus it’s your own gas so you can do whatever you like with it.

C)Yes and No: Fantastic answer, this is highly philosophical and will completely silence the questioner because it doesn’t make any sense.


I must admit this is not something I have come up with, although I will take the credit in sharing it with all of you. Original credit must go to Leon who's bizarre mind is something to be perturbed by.

(Another one same time tomorrow)

bum

I have just realised. I have no job lined up, so as of the 7th of June, I will officially be a bum.

No more lectures.
No more essays.

Just Alice, rowing and the internet. That's all I need to survive.

snakey II

There have been no more sightings of the snake, which I am calling Sid.

The bath was removed and EVERY hole in the bathroom has been filled and blocked, so the snake (which we are guessing is still underneath the floor boards somewhere)is never getting out. I imagine that there is a plentiful supply of mice for it to eat, so by the time Sid manages to find a way out, it will be up to the new tenants to remove him permeantly (and to convince our landlord that there actually was a snake!).

snakey

We have a snake. Where? Hidden behind our bath at present. It is over 3 feet long and is in a place that is unreachable to the friendly guy from the RSPCA.

We have no idea where it came from, but it is big and looked scary. Whilst casually popping to the toilet I noticed the long patterned shape along one of the pipes in the bathroom and thought it was a practical joke, but after closer inspection I noticed definate movement and proceeded to retrieve Tony for assistance, to which he replied to after being told to come and look at the snake "Shut up, don't be stupid". Well I proved him wrong.

The RSPCA man had caught hold of it once, but the snake put up too good of a fight and the snake took its hiding place. At present we are try to lure the snake out with a hot water bottle.

There will be an update to this. My last toilet trip took 15 minutes (6 mins cycle to the rowing club, 2 mins to use the toilet and 6 mins return journey). Tonight could be exhuasting at this rate.

Photo of the nice RSPCA man:


(I was too scared of entering the bathroom for a better picture in fear of being bitten)

exam advice

Good advice has been provided for exams by my lecturer:

- Paper provided is a free good
- therefore: Qd -> infinite

Use as much as you like.

carbon neutral

I wouldn’t really count myself as ‘Green’, although I do cycle or walk most places, but something that got me thinking was carbon emissions. Were you all aware you can actually trade carbon emissions? Well you can, but that’s not my point.
This year for our holiday me and Alice are going to Spain, my return trip will create 0.31 tonnes of CO2, so for the first time ever, I am going to offset my flight by paying £2.36 to help and promote more efficient energy usage and the plantation of trees. Nothing is going to stop me enjoying my Boeing 757 trip, been looking forward to it for some time (although kinda wish it was an A318; actually, I wonder whether they take the aircraft type into consideration? an A318 would surely produce less emissions than a B757 per passenger?), anyway, now I know that I am going to be carbon neutral means I will enjoy it even more.

How much carbon are you producing this year? www.climatecare.org